When I woke up today my mind traveled back to places I used to go, and rehearsed things I used to do when I was physically healthier and had no concerns whatsoever about physical limitations. Life was so much easier. But then I realized that the things I used to do back then, are things I wouldn’t be caught dead doing now. I wouldn’t even want to be a fly on the wall at some of the places I used to visit.
I thought life was easier. Boy, how I was wrong. Yes… things were physically easier. But while that is true, the Holy Spirit reminded my spirit that I was on the fast track to hell, and totally oblivious to it. Thank you, Holy Spirit, for leading me into all truth. I am also reminded of something written by Joni Eareckson-Tada. It went something like this, and I’m paraphrasing… my feet led me to places that I shouldn’t have walked to. My hands were grabbing things they shouldn’t have be grabbing. And now with my disability, those same temptations and sins I can no longer take part of.
Oh how hard that was to read! But after the natural, flesh part of my mind calmed down from reading that absurdity, after telling God how cruel to even suggest something like that… my spirit witnessed to it as a severe mercy. As I’m writing this, I am reminded that my physical disability has forced me to take inventory of myself. It has allowed me to take a step back and see my shallowness. This journey, although it has been tough, has opened up my eyes to the things of God. If not for it, I probably would be continuing to travel on the path leading to my destruction.
Saving grace. It’s my great desire to encourage all of you. I want to give you hope. I want to give myself hope. My need in this crazy physical circumstance is urgent, and I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t have to know or understand, because I know that God knows. God understands. That’s all I need. I can say with Paul… and Joni… and countless others…
“I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Philippians 4: 12-13