Yes, Lord. Before you ever ask, my answer is yes!
I shared this privately with a few close friends when it happened, but DID NOT want to go public. This morning, I believe God told me to share this with all who will listen. My pressing desire is to be Obedient to my King. A very powerful revelation. This experience was not just for me but for someone out there, perhaps many. Before I say anymore, this scripture is ringing loud in my ears… “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall.” 1 Cor. 10:12. I was taken into hell.
You need to know a little about me before I go on. I am a woman of God, loving Him with all of my heart, soul, and strength (Deut 6:5) – far from perfect, but I am faithful. I have a disease that greatly limits me physically, called Hereditary Spastic Paraplegia. I have been on a sickbed since December of last year (2018) due to a botched surgery. I have been home bound much of this year, crippled with severe back pain and sleep deprivation (to where sleep eluded me for thirty-forty hours at a time). I am not in search of pity or sympathy, but these are the facts.
AN ECLIPSE OF FAITH
An eclipse is when the moon passes between the earth and the sun and everything becomes dark. If we are walking close to Jesus and we are men and women of prayer, seeking God with all our hearts, our faith will have an eclipse. The devil wants to numb our minds with problems and difficulties. He wants to come between our God and our vision of His mercy and faithfulness to block out the SUN. If we don’t recognize the hand of the enemy behind this sifting, we will be defeated. The way out of this eclipse is to BELIEVE and REST in the LOVE that God has for us. God will allow your faith to be tested to show you how He rejoices over you and is RESTING in His love for you. – David Wilkerson
How it happened is a long story, but I’ll try to give the short version.
There I was lying in the recliner trying to get some much needed sleep. At this point it had been almost 3 days with zero sleep. Eight hours passed and still I was wide awake (the crazy thing is I was dead tired, but whenever I closed my eyes, my mind started racing). Let me rewind and tell you I was prescribed AMBIEN (a sleeping pill) to cause me to doze off. I took it once and got sick. I told my husband I wasn’t going to take anymore. Instead of immediately throwing the AMBIEN in the trash, I placed it back on my dresser until it was more convenient for me to dispose of it. Big mistake. One of the wretched side effects of AMBIEN is suicidal thoughts!
In desperation to sleep, I reached for the AMBIEN and took one. Immediately, I regretted it. Still no sleep after about six hours! Desperation is an understatement! I reached for my muscle relaxers next to the AMBIEN. I had to end my sleeplessness. I didn’t take one muscle relaxer, I took the entire bottle (60 pills)! I wasn’t in my right mind. How can you form a rational thought without any sleep?
I overdosed and tried to take my life. I actually think I died. Lying there waiting for the meds to take effect was the best time, I was finally pain free . The euphoria lasted only about ten minutes and then evil encroached all around me! I was taken into hell. I heard people moaning, but really didn’t see much (the crazy thing is that I wear a sleep mask to bed, so I still had it on when I found myself in hell!). However I did see some horrific things!.
I was so frightened! All I could do was cry out for Jesus. “Jesus, get me out of this place! Jesus! Jesus! Jesus! Save me!”
My Savior woke me up! The first thing that came to my mind was that I needed to call the hospital. They probably needed to pump my stomach! I had to try and get up. I park my wheelchair next to the recliner, but when I got up… I FELL. I didn’t have a cell phone with me, so I had to make my way into the next room to use the phone. Again, THE MERCY OF GOD allowed me to drag myself on the carpet to the Dining Room. I knocked the phone off the receiver that was on the Breakfront with my reacher. I called 911. After I hung up, the phone went dead. I found myself recovering in the hospital. THE MERCY OF GOD SAVED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here are my thoughts:
Brothers and Sisters, the pain and desperation are so real. Only God knows the reasons He allows it. Never doubt His love for you. I made that mistake. But MERCY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Suicide is NOT an option. Things are slowly changing for me. Praise God!
If you would like to hear David Wilkerson’s sermon An Eclipse of Faith… https://tsc.nyc/media_center.php?pg=sermons&mi=919
Is 55:8
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.”
Hosea 6:1-3
“Come, and let us return to the Lord;
For He has torn, but He will heal us;
He has stricken, but He will bind us up.
After two days He will revive us;
On the third day He will raise us up,
That we may live in His sight.
Let us know,
Let us pursue the knowledge of the Lord.
His going forth is established as the morning;
He will come to us like the rain,
Like the latter and former rain to the earth.”