“Those who control their tongue will have a long life; opening your mouth can ruin everything.” Proverbs 13:3
This message is repeated in Proverbs over and over… Words have the potential to cut and destroy. If you don’t control what you say, you have not mastered self-control. This truth is recognized by James when he stated, “The tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness” James 3:6.
James compares the damage the tongue can do to a raging fire—the tongue’s wickedness has its source in hell itself. The uncontrolled tongue can do terrible damage. Satan uses the tongue to divide people and pit them against one another. Idle and hateful words are damaging because they spread destruction quickly, and no one can stop the results once they are spoken. We dare not be careless with what we say, thinking we can apologize later, because even if we do, the scars remain. A few words spoken in anger can destroy a relationship that took years to build. Before you speak, remember that words are like fire—you can neither control nor reverse the damage they can do.
Self control begins with the tongue. Again, stop and think before we react – verbally or physically. If we can control our tongue, we can control the rest of our body. A truly wise person knows when to speak and when it’s best to be silent. Think about this… What we say probably affects more people than anything else we do. Let’s look again at James. This time at James 3: 2, “Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.”
The commentary for this verse tells us that what we say and don’t say are both important. To use proper speech you must not only say the right words at the right time but also not say what you shouldn’t. Examples of an untamed tongue include gossiping, putting others down, bragging, manipulating, false teaching, exaggerating, complaining, flattering, and lying. Here’s a good rule of thumb… Before you speak, ask if what you want to say is true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?
Pride is something that we all deal with… Some more so than others. Remember King Nebuchadnezzar, and how pride led to his downfall? How he was humiliated? Verse 10 talks about pride,
“Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise.” Proverbs 13: 10
“I was wrong” or “I need advice” are difficult phrases to say because it requires humility. Pride is an ingredient in every quarrel. It stirs up conflict and divides people. Humility, by contrast, heals. Guard yourself against pride. If you find yourself constantly arguing, examine your life for pride. Be open to the advice from others. Ask for help when you need it, and be willing to admit your mistakes.
“People who despise advice are asking for trouble; those who respect a command will succeed.” Proverbs 13: 13